She hoped he will look back but as usual nothing happened. Sometimes
she wonders what keeps him going. Is it thirst for money, power, position or
just to hang in there, as it is a male chauvinist society??
She came out of the airport lounge after waving a see off to
her husband quietly, who was flying to US for few weeks. When she hit the road
memories kept gushing and she sighed.
She is in her Forties now. As everyone says mid life crisis
develops at this age and every woman longs for a change, she was also undergoing the same. She was disturbed. She felt some bodily changes. She swore herself to question Lalit, if the same thing
happens with men also, when he is
back from his trip.
She threw herself on the sofa of her apartment dropping the
carkeys on the glass table and continued her thoughts. She was a regular simple girl with no much future plans, doing her 9-5 job before her marriage. Everything got changed after marriage or atleast she felt so. Twenty long years of
marriage life, more and more commitments as the years went by, run after the
money, try to prove herself everywhere, amongst all.
She suddenly felt she was ‘shook by some one’ and had a
gulp in her throat. She gasped for the breath and felt the room very warm though
it was a winter day. She looked at the wall clock and it was ticking morning 8 o’clock. Her body resisted to get up.
Did she miss a lot in her life or she lived full?. Turmoil hit her again. Her body ached as she moved over the sofa. She cuddled herself tighly but again she
stretched. She twitched her lips. She could hear her heart beating. She knuckled her fingers. She felt restless across her legs. Her stomach was burning. She felt a slight pain in her chest.
Like hell what is wrong with me today? Why am
I wishing there should be some one, some one badly, here, right now? I could speak for
hours, I could freak out, do craziest things, I can laugh loud, I can cry out. Is this
the change I want? What am I longing for? Am I going into depression? She kept asking herself. She was frozen. Her senses were not working. Now she was not moving an inch. She had a blank expression on her face. She had a dazed look in her eyes which were getting moist. She wanted to cry but tears were not rolling. She was staring at the glass wall without blinking an eye.
She almost knocked herself on the glass table
when the phone rang loudly tearing her thoughts apart. She was startled and trembling out of fear. She slowly raised the phone receiver to her ears and listened.
’hey girl, up for Shimla trip?’ Kanika’s voice cooed from
the other end. Aditi said ‘Yeah’ slowly and smiled feably. She could not concentrate on further conversations. She was not to herself that day.
